Still Another Strange Interview
ANOTHER STRANGE INTERVIEW
CHARACTERS:
MAN
WOMAN
INTERVIEWER
INTERVIEWER
Tonight on Another Strange Interview, we're going to talk to a couple of people who eat all of their food live. Hello, and welcome to our show.
WOMAN, MAN
Hello.
'Lo
INTERVIEWER
You folks from out of town or what?
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
We came all the way from Wisconsin to be here tonight.
INTERVIEWER
I'll bet you did! And what did you bring for us tonight?
MAN
(Hands over wad of cash)
Two hundred dollars.
Interviewer leans over to receive wad of bills, stuffs it into his already bulging pockets.
INTERVIEWER
All right! Thank you very much!
Go ahead - what was it you wanted to talk about?
MAN
We came here to say that we eat all of our food live.
INTERVIEWER
I see, well, that's wonderful, did you bring something to eat here tonight?
WOMAN
We sure did! We brought along a couple of chili dogs, two actually living chili dogs and we're doing to devour them right here--live!
INTERVIEWER
Whoa! Hold the phone! Chili dogs aren't alive!
MAN
Oh yes they are! This is a species of chili dog that is actually alive. See, they're warm and steaming.
(He unwraps the dogs)
INTERVIEWER
Warm and steaming, sure--
WOMAN
That means they're alive. And so we will eat them right now.
They start to eat the dogs with much gusto.
Mmmmmmm! and boy, are they delicious!
INTERVIEWER
Hey, what is it this? Some kind of gag or what?
MAN
Oh no! These are real chili dogs, flow here all the way from Chili!
INTERVIEWER
That's Chile!
WOMAN
Yes, that’s right! and so we are going to eat them right now before they get cold.
MAN
Mmmm! Good! Nothing like a live chili dog. Really bites into your hunger, if you know what I mean.
WOMAN
You see, chili dogs are born without any nervous system whatsoever. They are totally incapable of any sensory perception.
MAN
That's why we done feel bad eating them. They don't feel a thing, and they lead lives of extraordinary uselessness, lying about in steamers and restaurant walk-in refrigerators, mindlessly waiting to be consumed. We do them a favor by eating them. They serve no other purpose.
WOMAN
As far as we know.
INTERVIEWER
I see... and do you eat anything else alive?
WOMAN
We eat a lot of tacos!
INTERVIEWER
I suppose you're gonna tell me that tacos are alive.
MAN
There are those who believe a taco is a living thing.
It isn't as though we have no respect for these creatures, it's just that they are so delicious.
INTERVIEWER
It all sounds a little weird to me. You people are putting me on, right?
WOMAN
No way! We're serious! We might get cute once in a while, sure, who doesn't, but we eat only live chili dogs and tacos and--
MAN
What the hell does it matter anyway, just because you have your own TV show doesn't mean you can make fun of people who are different! We're just trying to get some attention too you know!
INTERVIEWER
Yeah, right! Well, thanks a lot for showing up tonight. Best of luck to you two weirdos with your "live" chili dogs and your stupid tacos. Al! You wanna show these two assholes outta here?
WOMAN
Hey, you can't just throw us out like this! We paid good money to be on this show!
INTERVIEWER
Show's over folks! You're through all right.
MAN
Hold it a minute. Gimme back my taco.
Hey!
WOMAN
You can't get away with this!
They run out after the stage manager who has the bag of food.
INTERVIEWER
Well, that's enough of that nonsense. Next week on Another Strange Interview, we will be talking to a man who has recovered from more diseases than almost anybody. Until next time then, this is Marvin Goodens saying goodbye and good luck.
BLACKOUT