Another Strange Interview
ANOTHER STRANGE INTERVIEW
Interviewer
This week on Another Strange Interview: a close-up look at the inner workings of a chicken ranch run by Mr. Bevra C. Meeks and his family right here just outside of town. Good evening, Mr. Meeks.
Meeks
'Evenin'
Interviewer
First off, Mr. Meeks, I'd like to thank you very much for letting us visit your famous chicken ranch,
Meeks
No trouble, we was just sittin’ down to dinner when you called. I'm glad we was home. Usually Tuesdays we're down to the Lodge for the fights. We take Ma down there--
Interviewer
That’s nice, Mr. Meeks, but we're kind of on a tight schedule here, so if we could get right to the chickens now, please.
Meeks
Ok, sure, well, let's start right over here where the pups are being born.
Interviewer
Pups? Did you say pups? I don't understand. These are chickens, right?
Meeks
Right. These are the hens over here and these are the hens' little chicken pups. We take 'em away from the hens, when they're just pups.
Interviewer
Chicks. Don't you mean chicks?
Meeks
We call 'em pups in the business.
Interviewer
OK….
Meeks
'Cause they're small, like a pup, you know, a little chicken pup.
Interviewer
Sure, ok, whatever. Chicken “pups”.
Meeks
Anyway, we take the pups away from the hens as soon as they can stagger. We don't even wait for 'em to walk ok, we just whip 'em out of the nest and into one of those big padded envelopes from the Post Office. We stuff maybe 6 or 8 of 'em in there and mail 'em to people we know from the phone book.
Interviewer
You know them?
Meeks
We found them in the phone book.
Interviewer
Oh….and how do the chickens react to this sort of treatment??
Meeks
The pups love it. You can't keep a chicken out of the Post Office once they figure out how much fun it is to be mailed.
Interviewer
I see...and what happens to the chickens?
Meeks
You mean the hens or the pups?
Interviewer
You put the hens in the bags too?
Meeks
Not right away. First we bag the pups, or put 'em in boxes, then we go for the hens.
Interviewer
Wait. So you put some of the chicks, I mean pups, into boxes? What happens to the chickens, I mean the pups in the boxes?
Meeks
We pack 'em up real good and take 'em to the warehouse for aging.
Interviewer
You pack them up??
Meeks
Right.
Interviewer
You pack them up in the boxes?
Meeks
Right.
Interviewer
What do they eat?
Meeks
We throw in food.
Interviewer
And is there enough food for all of them?
Meeks
Survival of the fittest, son. They don't eat, they die. To hell with ‘em. If they can’t take responsibility for their own lives, what are we supposed to do? We put 'em in the boxes, we toss in the food: some insects, maybe an ear of corn or two, some nice hash browns, onions, a little celery, some nice meatballs, you know, an interesting variety of comestibles,.
Interviewer
And what happens after you put them in the warehouse?
Meeks
They age.
Interviewer
They get older?
Meeks
You could say that.
Interviewer
Let me see if I follow you so far. You age the chicken pups in boxes. The ones you don't mail.
Meeks
That's right. We mail some and age the rest.
Interviewer
And the hens?
Meeks
The hens we chase.
Interviewer
You chase the hens?
Meeks
Yeah, that's right. After we put the pups in the boxes, we chase the hens.
Interviewer
Why do you chase the hens?
Meeks
'Cause they run. Why do you think?
Interviewer
Why do they run?
Meeks
You think they wanna be stuffed into boxes with their pups??
Interviewer
I don't know, I'm a little confused to tell you the truth.
Meeks
They run because they don't wanna be mailed. And they don't wanna be stuffed into boxes with a bunch of pups. Hens like to be left alone, so they run.
Interviewer
I see. I guess... and what happens to these hens and pups?
Meeks
When?
Interviewer
After you catch them.
Meeks
I told you. We age the pups, we chase the hens.
Interviewer
But then what happens?
Meeks
What do you mean what happens?
Interviewer
To the pups?
Meeks
They age.
Interviewer
But what happens after they age?
Meeks
The pups you're talking about now?
Interviewer
Yes.
Meeks
The ones that are left in the boxes, we take 'em out and teach 'em tricks.
Interviewer
Tricks? What kind of tricks?
Meeks
Magic! Card tricks. How to roll drunks.
Interviewer
What?? You teach the pups to roll drunks?
Meeks
We don't encourage them you understand, we just show 'em how it’s done.
We never tell 'em they have to do it.
Interviewer
Then what happens?
Meeks
What do you mean?
Interviewer
To the pups.
Meeks
I don't know for sure, most of ‘'em run off after a while.
Interviewer
I see... and the hens?
Meeks
They run away. We chase 'em a little, but to hell with the hens.
Interviewer
You chase the hens to Hell?
Meeks
What're you, a wise guy?
Interviewer
I'm just trying to figure out what happens to all these chickens. This is ridiculous!
Interviewer
I don't get it? What the heck is going on here?
Meeks
You wanna punch in the nose or what?
Interviewer
No, no, I just want to understand!
Meeks
Take it easy, mister, it’s real simple. Look, I'll explain it to you again. First we get all the pups away from the hens, and we stuff a few of them into padded envelopes and mail 'em. The rest we put into boxes, throw in some food, and let 'em age. Some we just toss into plastic bags and make 'em fight.
Interviewer
Hold it, what's this?
Meeks
Oh yeah, I guess I didn't explain that part. See, some of the pups, we put into plastic bags, big black plastic bags, and we just toss 'em in there and they fight.
It's a lot of fun!
Interviewer
I see--so you have these chicks?
Meeks
Pups. We call 'em pups.
Interviewer
Right pups. In boxes, aging, and the others are learning how to fight??
Meeks
Right.
Interviewer
And the hens?
Meeks
They run, we chase em.
Interviewer
And do the hens get away?
Meeks
Some of 'em yeah. But to hell with the hens. After the pups hatch, we don't want 'em hanging around anyway. They just lay more eggs so to hell with em, know what I'm talkin’ about?
Interviewer
I guess so... Lemme see: The pups go into boxes and padded envelopes and the hens go to hell.
Meeks
Uh...something like that.
Interviewer
But what do you do with the rest of the eggs. The ones that don't hatch?
Meeks
The rest of the eggs?
Interviewer
The hens keep laying eggs right? And some of them don't hatch?
Meeks
That's right! But we only take the pups after they hatch.
The hens keep the rest of the eggs.
Interviewer
You mean you don't sell the eggs??
Meeks
You think we could? There sure are a lot of them lyin’ around. Hey, you know what? - that's a great idea!! Wait 'till I tell Ma about this!
(FADE TO BLACK)